AMERICAN Tax Poem

Flat Tax
American Tax Poem – by the Garden Gnome

Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table, at which he’s fed.
Tax his tractor, Tax his mule. Teach him Taxes are the rule.
Tax his work, Tax his pay. He works for peanuts anyway!

Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat. Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt, Tax his work, Tax his dirt. Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his cigars, Tax his beers, If he cries Tax his tears.
Tax his car, Tax his gas, Find other ways to Tax his ass.
Tax all he has. Then let him know that you won’t be done,
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers, then Tax him some more,
Tax him till he’s good and sore.
Then Tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in which he’s laid.

Put these words upon his tomb: “Taxes drove me to my doom.”

When he’s gone, do not relax! Its time to apply the Inheritance Tax.


Accounts Receivable Tax 

Building Permit Tax 

CDL license Tax 

Cigarette Tax 

Corporate Income Tax 

Dog License Tax 

Excise Taxes 

Federal Income Tax 

Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) 

Fishing License Tax 

Food License Tax 

Fuel Permit Tax 

Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon) 

Gross Receipts Tax 

Hunting License Tax 

Inheritance Tax 

Inventory Tax 

IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) 

Liquor Tax 

Luxury Taxes 

Marriage License Tax 

Medicare Tax 

Personal Property Tax 

Property Tax 

Real Estate Tax 

Service Charge Tax 

Social Security Tax 

Road Usage Tax 

Recreational Vehicle Tax 

Sales Tax 

School Tax 

State Income Tax 

State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) 

Telephone Federal Excise Tax 

Telephone Federal Universal Service FeeTax 

Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes 

Telephone Minimum Usa! ge Surch arge Tax 

Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax 

Telephone State and Local Tax 

Telephone Usage Charge Tax 

Utility Taxes 

Vehicle License Registration Tax 

Vehicle Sales Tax 

Watercraft Registration Tax 

Well Permit Tax 

Workers Compensation Tax


Still you think this is funny? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago. Our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What in the hell happened? Can you spell ‘p o l i t i c i a n s’? Can you spell ‘NAFTA’ and other so called free trade agreements ? I hope this goes around the USA! YOU can help it get there!”